Bridging the Gap
How do we close the gap between the mind and the heart? There are times when the mind can accept a truth, but it can not be truly lived out unless the heart embraces it. I see this in my life as I struggle to fully trust in God’s plan for me. At an intellectual level I know that God has a beautiful plan for my life. I can see this when I reflect on the past. Through it all God’s loving hand is visible. However, (and this is what is most frustrating) is that no matter how many times God shows me how much he cares. I still am plagued with doubt. Why? I ask myself.
While I still may not have the answer. I was really comforted by my sister’s friend who was visiting our family over Christmas break. We were spending some time at cottage up north, as we wanted on a cold, grey winter evening, she asked me: “How do you know that God loves you?”. After sharing my thoughts I returned the question to her only to amazed by her testimony.
She shared what she experienced while visiting the Holy Land on a pilgrimage. Despite being at so many holy places where our Lord walked, there was a disconnect. She felt like she needed a clear-cut answer, some definite proof of God’s love for her, yet there seemed to be no response. She further told the story of a time when her and her group were visiting a holy site and by some accident she got left behind. Thankfully, some members of her group came back for her, but then as a result the whole itinerary got pushed back. The priest leading the trip snapped at her in his frustration, pushing her over the edge. Already, dealing with internal suffering, the rest of her day was filled with tears. Even during her confession, (at this point the priest was moved with pity), she was overwhelmed with pain and the tears would not stop. Her spirit cried out: “God do you really love me?”. No answer.
At this point the group was staying at a house with a courtyard and the most striking basement which appeared to have held prisoners. She thought it seemed intense, but much more occupied with sorting out her emotional state she went out to the courtyard to pray while the rest of the group remain in the house. Suddenly, her eyes went towards certain images displaying the passion of our Lord. It was then that it clicked! She was at the house of the high priest Caiaphas. It was the very place where our Lord was held captive the last night on earth.
Who did our Lord think of in the moments of agony? Who did our Lord think about in every step he took? My friend realized at that moment more than ever before, that she was the one for whom the Lord underwent his passion.
Naturally, I was in awe of this testimony. She proceeded then to answer the original question: “How do you know that God loves me?” she said, “By knowing how much he suffered for me”. Her answer was simple. Maybe even too simple. But I knew her answer was not just a cliche statement. I could see that the Lord really chose to show himself in her experience in the Holy Land. It’s almost like he said, “This is how much I suffered. And it was all for you”.
And in suffering, I believe lies the answer to closing the gap between the mind and the heart. She explained the mind is like a well and the heart is the source of water. In order for them to be connected, thus in order to bridge that gap, one needs to build a tunnel between the two. What is needed is an act of chiseling.
That chiseling is lies suffering. That chiseling is pain. That chiseling is division.
In accepting suffering and choosing to unite it with Christ’s pain closes the gap between the mind and the heart. This isn’t to say it doesn’t hurt obviously but in my experience, when I say, “Lord this is something I’m dealing with, sharing it with you because you get it. You more than anyone understands suffering. '' When I unite myself with his pain, that is when the separation closes in and there is no gap between the mind and the heart.