What’s before me

I’m at the end of my educational journey. I’m balancing two big life events a beautiful relationship and the reality that I will leave the country to go on mission in a few months. The path that is unfolding before me is scary at the moment. It is making me question, myself and why I really want these things. I have had to come to terms that as a result of being to overworked and keeping some burdens to myself, my mental health has suffered a bit. The path looks dark and scary because what I have once prayed and discerned about, and at one point felt at peace with, now feels overwhelming. I have to wonder is I have going my fault?

I have never felt this alone before. I hesitate to call it desolation, but I certainly feel like I’m in a fog.

At the end, I know I can’t hold on to anything to this life. I don’t own anything.

Not my metal health,

Not my relationship,

Not my family,

Not my career,

Not my future,

Not even the desires of my heart.

I don’t even have a right to feel at peace or have security in my decisions. All I truly have is the Lord, and my empty hands I place before him.