Networking and Nurturing Relationships
Feeling like things are finally blossoming.
I’m grateful to be in a season of life where I can really focus on building connections and nurturing friendships. For a long time I had the mentality that you only really need to have two-three close friends. I used to dislike small talk and it really irked me when it felt like I always seemed to be the one taking initiative. However, I’ve had a bit of a paradigm shift over the years. I realized that you don’t jump into the profound discussions right away with most people and that’s fine. Small talk is a step to knowing the person better. More recently, I’ve realized that all friendships, both the profound and casual are enriching. Going from there, I saw it was better to overcome that first hump of reaching out, than to risk becoming some sort of recluse. Taking the first step did not seem so daunting anymore. Secondly, I realized that most people are pleasantly surprised to be invited to a quick cup of coffee to catch up. Especially in these days of social distancing, folks are longing for connection. You might be like me and the first step seems so intimidating, but let me tell you, it’s worth it!
I’d love to share some tips that have worked for me very well so far.
Just reach out
We all have that one coworker no matter what their age is, that you just connect really well. If you didn’t work with them you’d probably not go out of your way to strike up conversation. In my opinion those are the best people to invite for coffee, because you can learn so much from those that are different from you. Some of my dearest friends have traits that just balance me out and enrich me. You know that lovely person from undergrad or from a church group that you would have loved to get to know more? Reach out! They will most likely take you up on that offer. It has worked wonderfully in my experience.
Inviting someone to grab a coffee can go a long way.
Be Open
You know when you’re young sometimes you place expectations of your friendships. I remember thinking it was bizarre to have an age difference (silly me!). Now, I’ve realized that when there is healthy communication and mutual understanding, you can have many different kinds of friends. Keeping this openness makes it so much easier when you go to networking events or any social gathering, with less barriers it is easier to have genuine connections. You’ll find yourself having friendships from various faiths, different circles and diverse walks of life.
The Right Questions
Conversations can be tough! The best tip that works for me is to ask open ended questions. If I'm at a professional networking event, I normally meet individuals with jobs that are incredibly different from mine or that I have never heard of, so asking questions like, “What do you like the most about your job?”. But honestly that goes with everything, I met someone once that was a baseball fanatic, asking “What do you like about it?” opened up a beautiful conversation. He opened up about his childhood, shared some insights that I still remember three years later. But don’t go crazy with the questions, share about yourself too, no matter how private you are you don’t want the other person to feel like they are in an interview. Questions like “When did you first begin…” , “What do you think about…”, “How did you know…”, those questions are great conversation starters.
Etiquette
Since I’ve been connecting with more people I’ve seen how important etiquette still is. Etiquette isn’t a bunch of rules, but really its a way to make others feel more at ease. Eye-contact that’s sincere and focused, speaks volumes. I know for me I do notice when the other person seems like they are distracted, and it is pretty offensive. So keeping good eye-contact is something I prioritize. Making sure the conversation is balanced is key. You want to make sure you don’t go off on all sorts of tangents (this happens way more than I’d like to admit), but overall ensuring that the person you are spending time with feels heard and walks away feeling like they’ve connected with you is so important.
Your friends are going to be the ones that get you that job, support you in hard times and so will you in return.
These are some of the things that have really worked. Learning to connect with others, while nurturing the friendships not only is it a wonderful skill, but is extremely life-giving. Your friends are going to be the ones that get you that job, support you in hard times and so will you in return. I’ll end by sharing something that really inspired me recently, in the book The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg, expounded the idea that Rosa Parks was instrumental as a catalyst in the Civil Rights Movement because of the social ties she had. She was extremely involved in her church and local community; her job as a seamstress permitted her to interact with a variety of individuals from various social classes. She had many strong ties as well as weaker ties. The people she knew were crucial for sparking change. I think deep down we all want to be impactful in one way or another. At the very least I believe we want to make life better for those around us, but most importantly we know that this life is short, so let’s make the most of it by being a Light to those around us. The more we cultivate and nurture those relationships the brighter our Light will be.