All is Grace
I have officially spent eight in lockdown. There is no denying that this has been one of the strangest and maybe one of the most difficult seasons of my life.
Where am I?
What am I learning in this season?
Despite the difficulties and various unknowns in my life, when I on focus solely on the present moment, I find myself freed of all questions that do not need answers. Instead, I can see the subtle and beautiful gifts God is giving me. Indeed, like St. Therese of Lisieux said, “All is Grace,” I can see so many good things coming of of this season.
Connection
God is using this time to making me connect more with my family. During the previous months, my heart was unavailable. I was overwhelmed with work and school. I was going through some spiritual and emotional turmoil that I felt like I could not share with anyone. However, during this time I have opened up more to my family. As a result of this vulnerability, I have felt more loved than ever. Just receiving the kind gestures from my Father, the hopeful and encouraging words from my Mother, and having my family lay their hands in prayer as I wept bitterly one day, have been moments of deep re-connection and healing. Yesterday, I even called my brother whom I had not spoken to since January. It was so good to wish him good luck in his job interview and briefly catch up. I am so grateful to have this time to be with my family. It has been so good to eat meals with my family and reconnect. I love how God is using this time of social distancing to bring me closer to the people that I love the most!
Rest
Although, I do not like the uncertainty during this season, being forced to stay at home has been such a blessing. The past few months were so exhausting, working 40+ hours and still having my own coursework has been so tiresome. If fact, I’d say the for the past few years I have been so overworked. Therefore it is an incredible gift to slow down and still get paid! The spiritual rest I have received has been the biggest grace. Going on walks, journaling, and praying the rosary, has been life giving.
Joy
All I really needed was to feel reconnected to my family and get some rest. These past few days I’ve laughing and dancing around the house more than I have in a long time. I feel like I’m back to being my usual, goofy self. And what a gift that is to feel laughter fill my lungs! Despite not knowing what lies ahead, I find myself excited for the future. I feel joy learning Romanian in preparation for my mission trip (still not sure when I’ll go but that’s okay). I’m excited for whatever good that God is going to bring from this season!
There is so much grace in the present moment. During lock down I’m finding deep and subtle opportunities to love more., be it by praying for those I love, for the world, and those most present on heart. I’m finding ways to express connection and kindness with those around me, whether be just by kindly warming my mother a cup of tea or sharing an encouraging word.
During this season, I simply praise God for the graces he is bestowing onto me and to my family. I pray that he continues to open my eyes to the graces that exist in the present moment.